Please, No more…………………

A LOT has happened and I have not been able to fill you in.
Since the match was made, it has been non top preparation from morning till night. There’s been so much to arrange, prepare, organize, buy, settle and do just about everything else possibly imaginable.
There’s been a mad rush to prepare and obtain pieces of paperwork for Ethiopia. We need some kind of letter from the British Embassy there, and need a letter from here in order to get that. However this is all new and much of it is trial and error and it is plain crazy.
I’m also trying to research induced lactation. Yes it may sound really far out to some of you, to want to breast feed TWO infants, but I would like to and ‘need’ to. So, for those of you interested, basically I need to start pumping on both sides (using an electric breast pump) every two hours for the first two weeks. Hopefully I am going to supplement this by using Domperidone (or Motillium) and see if that makes any difference, as often it doesn’t for some women.

Then there’s the whole visa palava. Initially, we being naïve, thought we would get the twins into the UAE on a simple visit visa and then apply for a more permanent one afterwards. Hmmmmmphhh….doesn’t work like that. Apparently, we need their passport copies and birth certs and take them to immigration to apply for an entry permit visa. But…we cant get those documents until we are in ET, have (insha’Allah) passed court, and obtained their documents. So, it seems I may well have to stay there with them, while hubby organizes this back in the UAE. Now, I really don’t see myself as a woos, (unless there’s a wasp in my room) but I don’t relish the idea of staying in ET on my own. While I know it’s supposed to be safer than most people assume, I know Africa. It is beautiful without a doubt and the people are amazing characters; open, generous and welcoming beyond the call of duty. But I would still be alone there, depending on drivers and daylight for my independence and sanity, AND with two babies and a toddler,
Well, if that is meant to be then I will just have to grit my teeth, grow up, pull my socks up and march head on. What if’s and maybes are pretty evil, and speculation does little to give the heart peace of mind. Sometimes you’ve just gotta go with it.

Also my brother came to visit with his new wife. I thought we wouldn’t get to meet, and it was a heartbreaking thought, but it worked out that we were able to spend a few days together and it was a relief for my aching heart. God is merciful to me, and gave my restless soul some respite and relief from missing my family and homesickness. I enjoyed my time with both of them, and felt so happy to have a sister in law who I can think of as my sister.

Hubbies’ work has been a trial and a half. We were not sure when to let them know or ask for the time off, and until recently there was no point telling them as we ourselves had no idea of time frames. It is such an unpredictable business that you can never be sure of anything until the child or children are actually in your hands.
Anyway, we told them, and explained that it was a two trip process. One trip to identify, sign the adoption contract and apply for a court date. This lasts about a week.
The second trip is then about a 6 weeks later to attend court, obtain passports and birth certificates for the children and sort out visas. This trip lasts about 4-5 weeks. Believe you and me, none of this seems like an easy prospect and if we could do it another way that was much shorter then we would.
Well, our company did not seem to like the sound of this. And I agree, it is a BIG ask. You can’t just leave work for 6 weeks. Only thing is, quite simply, it is a requirement of the process and there is absolutely no way around it. And on a plea of compassion for our circumstances we asked for the time off. Actually hubby said he would try and take as little time off as possible and try and ask for the court date to be bought as forward as possible so as not to miss too much work, he is also prepared to take the time off unpaid, and use as much of his holiday as possible, and arrange for people to cover his responsibilities for the duration he is away.

Once a match is made you have to go asap and identify the child/children. So, we asked on the Sunday for leave and were told we would hear from them by the latest, on Tuesday. By the end of the week we hadn’t heard but were nervously waiting, running around like crazy shopping for bouncers, clothes bedding, aid for the orphanages, and putting together our cots. A few days later we sent an email asking for progress. By the following Thursday we still hadn’t heard and hubby then made a phone call. We were then informed we had 3 weeks for the whole thing….for the whole six-ish weeks it would take to do this. I have seldom seen hubby so down. He seemed deflated and empty the whole evening. Initially I did too. I think my main gripe was that I think it could have been handled better. We have been desperate for an answer, for something, a word, anything. And we needed this answer last week.
I knew 3 weeks wasn’t enough. But then I talked to him about the fact that NO ONE will see it through our eyes. Nobody was in our shoes and wouldn’t understand the urgency and importance of two orphans in a struggling orphanage in a developing country half way around the world. This really is our trial alone. Of course I want to get the twins out of there asap. Day by day, the thought of them being there ( even being well looked after) was weighing very heavily upon my heart. But nothing, absolutely nothing moves until God wills, and if and when it does, that is the correct time.
We also agreed that at least we did get half of what we wanted. Like they said, by UAE law, they were not obliged to give us anything, and used their own discretion to give us 3 weeks. Fair enough, good on them for doing even that much. We would have to simply work around it.
Besides, God is the one who judges and who decides what happens and when. Not any of us and certainly not ‘The Firm’ 

So, with our ticket booked for Thursday 8.35 am, we prepared manically. We tried to raise as much money possible, and to those who donated, your rewards are with Allah, insha’Allah, and that is nothing to understate.

Packing and running around town, cleaning our house and planning took us until 4am on Wednesday.
Each hour after 9pm dragged and took every ounce of strength to clean, organize, and pack each of our four large cases so that it weighed in on 20 kg. There were many moments when we each felt as though we would throw up at any second. The fatigue and exhaustion of the past couple of months had suddenly accumulated on our shoulders, and it was to be a long long evening.
We went to bed for half an hour and got up again at 4.30 in order to drag ourselves into a taxi at 5am to head for Dubai airport.
We leave our home (3 cats and neighbours) in Gods care and hope to return to them safely and find them in good circumstances.
May Allah bless us with good works and deeds for His sake alone.

A Match!!!

The match has been confirmed!

As soon as our dossier arrived in ET, our contact had mentioned a pair of twins. I, being me, did not give it serious attention as I thought it just couldn’t be – it was too early, it wasn’t for us, it wouldn’t work, it wasn’t real, etc etc.
Well guess what? It was, and it is!!
It was confirmed four days ago on the 23rd, and today we received the first pics of them. They are a picture of pure innocene!
They have no idea their picture is being taken and are doing what 3 months do….look gaumlessly sweet. 
BTW – did I tell you they are twins of months, of each gender.
They look sweet, adorable and above all they seem to be in good health. They have bright eyes, clear skin, and chubby cheeks. Masha’Allah.

So, I am making list upon list; we are hoping to travel asap.

We bought a lot of clothes for them today. It was a surreal feeling.

I’m not sure how to feel, I keep wondering if they will like me….does that sound at all crazy?

A Burdened Mind and a Heavy Heart.

Lately, I have been a little stressed (cold sores all over me to prove it) and feeling somewhat tearful and emotional.
There may be something on the horizon in terms of a referral…or maybe not lol.
I can’t explain yet…but I know what I mean 

I’m trying not to think about it and some days it works great, some days it follows me around like a shadow stalking me, refusing to leave my side.
It’s on the latter that I feel surges of adrenaline pumping through my body, I feel my heart step to the beat a little faster, and I just don’t know where to begin making sense of anything.

I really am not in a desperate hurry, but then I don’t want to be like this in a limbo between two worlds either. 
I tell myself sincerely that it’s all good. I know without a doubt that it will happen when God wants it to.
That’ll do me.

One issue that has been on my mind increasingly as this has gone on is that I know, somewhere, a parent or possibly two ( or more) will have to go through a personal tragedy in order for them to have to give up/abandon/ or leave (if by death) their child/ren. And this piece of knowledge really breaks my heart. I try and imagine myself too poor to be able to give my baby milk, or feed my family; too poor to get medical help. I wonder what on earth I would feel If I had to give my baby up after carrying it inside me, and giving birth through the intense hardship that only labour brings and trying to nurture it. 

I can only go so far with this train of thought before my throat tightens up and tears burn my eyes. I can only thank God who has not put me in this position and I seek refuge from being tried in such a way.

I know that our prospective children will come from such a background, and it is such a difficult thing to face. The loss for them, and their family is immense.
Yet, the consolation as my dear husband reminds me, is the fact that these children have people like us to take them. How would this all be if at the end of it all there were no families to take these children after their parents had died or had been forced to relinquish them?
And who knows, maybe it will a blessing and actually better for them to be with us.

I have thought about this time and time over, but it is because we are at this particular moment in time, where we are insha’Allah so close to getting a referral, that my heart feels as though it is grieving for those babies and parents. After all don’t we all have the right (and the desire) to know who our parents are? To know who we look like, whose traits we carry, and where those come from through the generations gone before. Those bonds that enables us to piece the puzzle together, and understand where we fit in it; they really are irreplaceable. 
I wont be able to give these children a full genetic history, or know how to speak their language of heritage, or cook the homemade food their own Mother would have made with her loving hands. 

But I can teach them what I can, and I can love them in the best way I can, and I can make them food made with my own hands. I pray to God that I love all my children in the same way, making no distinction between them, and love them enough to be just, decent and a damn good role model.
I hope and pray more than anything I can give them the one thing I know will make the difference in this life and their afterlife. The ‘One’ thing.

This side of adoption is a harsher reality than most of us can face, but if we don’t try and understand or empathise with what we fear, what we don’t recognize and sometimes what we run from, then we will never be able to understand humanity and all it encompasses; compassion, suffering, love, evil, sincerity, and I guess every feeling and emotion on this blessed earth.
It is imperative to reflect…to try and make some sense of human nature, of our own lives, our aims and purpose. Without the ability to reflect we really are nothing, and I mean literally nothing. Our lives melt into some meaningless and worse still, worthless existence.
I’m scared of being in that place, I want to feel, to understand to try and make sense. To somehow better myself, and somehow …make my children better than me.

What Next?

Well, now, we pray, we wait, we spring clean cupboards that have accumulated un-needed things and lost their ‘cupboard-system’; we sort out finances and some sort of credit card that doesn’t bite too hard; we hunt for bargains in pushchairs and baby clothes ( I have some great condition hand-me-downs too); buy an extra mattress to go with the second cot we have; sort out a decent plan for what to do with the cats while we’re gone; research the deal on induced lactation for breastfeeding; we get vaccinated (which is proving to be confusing); we prepare what we can of donations and aid; we research places to stay in Addis and where we can get halal food etc; in essence, we prepare best we can, and then pray some more that Allah makes this easy on us, that He guides us to good works and blesses us in it.

'My Precious'

So, ‘My Precious’ aka ‘our dossier’ had left our weary hands and sat in the DHL office in the Hilton Hotel. We dropped it off on Thursday but it wouldn’t be dispatched till Saturday. I had my receipt at the ready, it had the reference number on it with which I would manically, nervously and excitedly track the progress of this cargo as it sojourns its way across the world to the continent where my parents were born, and where insha’Allah my children to be will be born. 

On Monday I couldn’t connect to the internet to track, I knew ‘My Precious’ was due to arrive on Tuesday so thought I would just wait. But then I received a text on my mobile at midday-ish saying it had arrived. Oh, I was so happy. Praise Allah, it had arrived safely and had been signed for.

We sat down later and emailed our contact at the foster home and asked her to confirm the arrival of the dossier and also to confirm the specifications of age and gender we would like the children to be.

Wow. What a day. A day I just never saw coming. 
Our dossier is there. It will God wiling be translated and he process will be put into motion. 
Our contact confirmed she had received it and said she will start looking. Whoa Baba…as my little one used to say….

Subhana’Allah

My boys at the Beach...

     Our day chilling at the corniche...if these pics are posted all weird, I apologise, but blogger is c*** to use for uploading pics!

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